some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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