Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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