Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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