he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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