please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
