I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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