I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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