my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
