Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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