The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
