i already hear my dad disowning me
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
