Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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