Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
