I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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