Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
