I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
