I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
