Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
