cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
