i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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