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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.

  (1-781): View more from Massachusetts

  didn't that happen to you last weekend?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  shut up.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.

  (925): View more from California

  "half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I think pants incapable of making pants work

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.

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• (951): View more from California

  i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment

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• (305): View more from Florida

  Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it

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