i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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