if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
