Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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