You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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