So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
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i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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