Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
