just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
