By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
