you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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