Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
