I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
