I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
