yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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