omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize