Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
