you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Too much gin, very little bucket
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
