Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
