cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
