why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
