i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
