i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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