you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
