i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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