Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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