my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
