I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
