How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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