Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
where are you?
Hypothermia
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
