Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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