The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
