Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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