Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
