We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
