the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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