Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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