I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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