wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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